A significant and intense chunk of our lives may be spent pondering hard choices. Should we continue our relationship with our ex or part ways to explore other possibilities? What if we find no one better? On the other hand, what if we stay, and the relationship never improves? Should we buy a beautiful property near railway tracks despite the noise, or opt for a quieter home with less charm? Should we accept a prestigious job offering a stellar future, or stay where we are because of our supportive colleagues and high quality of life?
Part of the agony in making such choices arises from the fear that the wrong decision may lead to extreme disappointment while the right choice could be a path to exceptional fulfillment. However, this distress may be unnecessary. A strategic blend of two mindsets—optimism and pessimism—can offer valuable clarity.
Optimistic thinking reveals that difficult decisions often arise because all available options have positive qualities. We struggle to choose because each alternative presents something genuinely good. If we stayed with our ex, there would still be much to celebrate, while seeking a new relationship could also bring its own charms. The same holds true for choosing between properties or jobs—each offers its own unique benefits and comforts.
Pessimistic thinking, however, can be equally reassuring. We often become fixated on making the perfect choice to avoid negative outcomes. Yet, every path we take will have its share of challenges and disappointments. An ex-partner may have frustrating qualities, but so will anyone new we meet. No house can eliminate life's inherent struggles—unhappiness can persist regardless of where we live. Similarly, any job will come with its own dissatisfactions.
The pain of decision-making often stems from the illusion of a perfect solution capable of either guaranteeing happiness or avoiding distress entirely. This mindset exaggerates our control over outcomes. Once we recognize that, by the time we are deeply considering a choice, any option we pick will be both rewarding and somewhat disappointing, our anxiety may diminish. We are never far from both pain and joy, no matter the decision.
Ultimately, recognizing the dual nature of every choice can help us approach life with more ease and less fear. When faced with equally compelling options, perhaps we could even let fate decide and trust that either path will bring both challenges and blessings.